What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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