Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
