Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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