So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
