I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
