I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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