I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
