It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
