Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
