Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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