Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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