and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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