May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
