i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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