I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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