Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
