Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
