Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
