Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
