So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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