Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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