I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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