Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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