the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
