I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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