Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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