haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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