Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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