I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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