OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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