I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Will exercising make me less horny?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
