I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
