her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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