wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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