If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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