omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
