can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
