I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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