i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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