dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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