Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
