I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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