I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
