my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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