i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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