I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420