I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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