She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.