When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
