Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
