May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
