good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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