i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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