i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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