Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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