I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
