You work out of a Hotel?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
