Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
