To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
