Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
