Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
