I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
