i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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