Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
