You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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