Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
