Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
