Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
