My first STD was from a foam party
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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