You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
