I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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