So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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